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lost Sleepy eyes and a restless heart. Feet yearning to walk, arms longing to hold. A voice screaming silence. These old bones aren't done dancing yet. So many unexpected turns on this crazy path. Unexplored terrain. I wonder what new love will feel like. I feel like Cortez or Columbus, except with less imperialism and indigenous murder. The fire has been coming out of me. I don't have the will to pretend everything is okay. I'm angry. I'm really really angry. I've been busy stitching up the places where I've come apart at the seams. I'm real handy with a needle. I know I can't change everything I want to. But I don't have to like it. And I don't pretend to understand why. Nothing is ever the way I dream it. That's part of the fun. But shit, what the fuck happened to people? They always seem so goddamn unhappy. It's exhausting to continually hear about and be helpless to do anything. Money. Sex. Drugs. Alcohol. These are the cures. But I can't figure out what the disease is. Complacence? Apathy? There's a hole everyone seems to be trying to fill. But what used to be there? Is it that none of us have souls anymore? I'm at a loss. ----- a disturbing last letter you will never read. - 6:36 p.m. , April 22, 2005 - - 11:14 p.m. , March 27, 2005 - - 6:32 p.m. , January 29, 2005 personal empowerment - 9:48 p.m. , January 12, 2005 jaksdf - 7:22 p.m. , December 19, 2004 |