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argggggggggg This is what I've become. I've left behind everything I believe in. I've traded what I was for bullshit. I have complete faith in fantasies. This is a myth. I'm living in a storybook. I'm not innocent anymore, god I miss it. This is a poor excuse for poor excuses. Don't be surprised if you find me in a shopping mall with dynamite strapped to my chest screaming incoherent paranoid delusions. I've always been too stupid for my own good. Yeah, I've definitely gone insane. I've gone off the deep end into an empty swimming pool. Fuck. My head hurts. I want to set fires. I want to shoot guns. I want to see explosions. I don't want to hurt you, I just want to terrify you. Just for a day, or maybe a weekend. Then we can go on a picnic and pretend like I'm not a psycho. Am I fooling everyone? Am I a really good liar, or just really ridiculously sincere? I can't tell anymore. We've strapped the base charges to the bridge. They'll blow any second now, and then bam. London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. All my muscles are in knots. I look like a fucking dead person. The veins are pressing against my skin. Maybe this is the precursor to an aneurism. Mayhem, destruction, gunshot wounds. Anarchy just seems like more fun sometimes. I'm tired of the idea of memos and paperwork and cubicles and hierarchy and the internet and technology. I want to staple a piece of paper with the word FUCK written in big black sharpie to your fucking skull and grin and laugh hysterically while I watch your reaction. Bomb this shit back to the stone age. I don't care anymore. I'm so tired of fighting. Fighting and fighting and fighting for what just seems so obviously right to me. If this is such a struggle maybe we're all wrong. Maybe women don't deserve the right to their own bodies. Maybe poor people don't deserve healthcare. Maybe some people should starve. Maybe white skin is better. Maybe some of us are superior to others. Maybe there is a hell and maybe I'm headed right for it. Or maybe we're all already there. Either way it doesn't fucking matter. Whether Jesus died for your sins or he's the creation of some fucked up power mongers trying to control you, it doesn't matter. All that matters is this, right now, whatever you believe, whatever you think, believe it, think it, fuck everyone else. I'm tired of being righteous. Cause no matter what you believe, chances are, you're fucking wrong asshole. Get used to it and move on. I'm too pissed to keep wasting my time writing useless words for moron robots to read and discard, so excuse me while I stop vomiting words and start vomiting blood. I think there are some pills here somewhere... ----- a disturbing last letter you will never read. - 6:36 p.m. , April 22, 2005 - - 11:14 p.m. , March 27, 2005 - - 6:32 p.m. , January 29, 2005 personal empowerment - 9:48 p.m. , January 12, 2005 jaksdf - 7:22 p.m. , December 19, 2004 |