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a beginning The casual violence of it surprised me. There were thunderstorms in her veins, small craft warnings, the flood waters were rising, and the bullet helped the levy break. The movie of it played before my eyes without sound or feeling. I think everything but my vision was too shocked to react or receive what was happening. So I just saw it, watched the slow motion spectacle unfold. I was frozen to the floor, with ice in my blood and frost on my eyelashes, crying snowflakes. Then all at once it all caught up. Sped me violently into the present. And I heard the screaming, like an avalanche in my skull, reverberating through the caverns of my eye sockets. She was on the ground in the center of a blood red rose blooming before my eyes and I collapsed. It was my own voice that was screaming, my own lungs that were burning, but I was numb. My mind was static on a tv with no antennae and my heart was beating out a flatline rhythm. I felt calm. It was as if my body was reacting without me. It had been so easy. I guess I was in shock. I suppose I expected it to be more dramatic, more...difficult. But it was effortless, it happened with the ease that everything else does, as if it was all already written and was now just playing out a story. All I had to do was pull the trigger. The candlewax was still on my skin from earlier, hard now, but it left scars that never went away. A constant reminder of a night when the world became a different place. Her bullet shattered my collar bone. The doctors said I was lucky. An inch to the left and I would have been paralyzed, two inches down and I would have been dead. But that was the point. That was what I wanted. What we wanted. A regular fucking Romeo and Juliet. Too bad she didn't have better aim. ----- - - 6:32 p.m. , January 29, 2005 personal empowerment - 9:48 p.m. , January 12, 2005 jaksdf - 7:22 p.m. , December 19, 2004 the break up - 11:08 p.m. , December 16, 2004 fists of rage - 6:28 p.m. , December 13, 2004 |